


79. Empty Corridors

by tveckling



Series: Dare to Write challenge [10]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Lexa is haunted, Takes place sometime before 1x01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-29 18:07:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7694230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tveckling/pseuds/tveckling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Lexa walks there is silence. There should be someone else walking at her side, and the missing presence haunts her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	79. Empty Corridors

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ambrose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ambrose/gifts).



Lexa wanders Polis unseen at night. She can't stay in her room, not when the memories of Costia are so strong there. The night before she woke up several times, with a scream stuck in her throat and the image of Costia's head staring at her, accusing her. After the first few times her guards stopped running through the doors.

This night she decided to leave after the first nightmare. She's certain that at least one person is shadowing her, because Gustus' rage would be terrible if he found out the guards let her out of their sight, especially when the situation is as tense. Costia's head was a warning, a boast, and a threat in one. A warning that she had let herself be vulnerable, a boast about how they could get to the one that mattered most to her, and a threat that no one she loved was safe.

Lexa hasn't managed to be around Titus since the discovery; in his heavy gaze she can read his relief, as simple as if he had said it aloud. With Costia gone there isn't as much of a threat to Lexa, because she has never loved anyone as much as she loved Costia.

And now Costia is dead because of her.

There isn't many people awake, and less are roaming the streets. It fits Lexa well, because she can't stomach the thought of talking to anyone. She wants company so badly it hurts in the core of her body, but only from one person. She misses the laughter, the easy silence, the understanding, and the unconditional love she had gotten used to. It hurts so much when she thinks about how she will never experience any of those things again, and she hurries her steps. The hope of outrunning the guilt and the loneliness is childish and beneath her, but in the darkness she doesn't have to be Heda. She doesn't need to be strong and invincible, she can be frail and grieving.

Her steps keep on quickening, and soon she is running as fast as she can, tearing through the streets. If she runs fast enough she can pretend it's the wind hitting her face, not tears.

All too soon she sees the walls, and she forces herself to stop. For a while she stands there, breathing hard as she stares at the high construction. A mad idea appears in her mind, of scaling the wall and running free on the other side. She could run forever if need be, there is no end to the world, and she could leave her whole life behind, all the regret, guilt, and sorrow.

Instead she turns around and walks back to the tower, because responsibility is bigger than anything she might be feeling. There is nothing more important than her duty to her people, and she has a coalition to run. There are talks with Azgeda in the morning, and she can't show any weakness, especially not to them. She doesn't want to think about how Nia will be looking for any sign of weakness to grab hold of as it is. If she allows herself to think and feel anything she will not be able to hold the rage back, and then she will have a dead enemy and a broken coalition, and there will be no chance of peace.

Her steps echoes in her ears as she walks through the empty corridors. There used to be another pair of footsteps, there should expect another pair of footsteps, and the missing sound is deafening. It feels like she might be crushed beneath the heavy absence, but she powers on and keeps walking. One foot in front of the other, one step, two steps, and so on. She can't breathe, but she accepts it and keeps moving. When she sees the guards standing in front of her room she has almost gotten used to the crushing sensation.

The room is silent and bare, empty of any warmth. Lexa shivers, despite herself, and with quick steps she walks to the desk that stands in a corner. There are a few candles there, and she grabs all of them before she turns to her bed. It only takes a little while to place all the candles on her nightstand and light them, but she has a small smile as she sits back and watches the small flames. It's not the same, but there is a little more warmth now. Tomorrow she will send for more candles, and hopefully they will bring more warmth, more pleasant memories.

She has the flickering flames in her sight until finally her eyes fall closed, and when she sleeps now she smiles.


End file.
